The Past is in the Past Or is It
by cngarner
Summary: AU. Fitz, an Author, wants to marry the love of his life Olivia Pope, a traveling Yoga Instructor. The series begin with the couple having mixed emotions after a huge fallout. Fitz is home in their small MidWest (U.S.) town and Olivia in New york. Olivia needed a break so she booked a couple clients who wanted private/couple sessions. Fitz wants marriage but will they get that far?
1. Chapter 1

"_Out of the ashes I'm burning like a fire you can save your apologies you're nothing but a liar I've got shame I've got scars that I'll never show. I'm a survivor in more ways than you know, cause all the pain and the truth I wear like a battle wound so ashamed so confused I was broken and bruised Cause now I'm a warrior now I've got thicker I'm a warrior I'm stronger than I've ever been and my armor is made of steel you can't get in I'm a warrior and you can never hurt me there's a part of me I can't get back a little girl grew up too fast.. I'll never be the same..." (Warrior-Demi Lovato)_

Olivia's so used to being told to aim high, her efforts aren't enough and anyone she loves isn't good enough. So when it comes to Fitz he's someone she wants to treasure, she feels he is more than enough, but at the same time can't bring herself to give all of her to him, she feels as if she is unworthy of this man. Time after time he's shown her how much she means to him, how he will give up his life if it means he could have her and she doesn't believe him.

_I don't know what I need to do liv… I've done everything I can to show you what you mean to me. I would give up everything in this life if it meant I would be left with you. Why can't you see that? What happened to you that's left you this numb and shut off to love? All I want to do is love you… you just have to let me in… sorry, I didn't mean to write on such a sour note I just hate how things ended with us before you left._

_p.s. Do those reasons have anything to do with why you left me here by myself? Ugh I miss you. _

_-Love Fitz_

Olivia reads the letter over and over unsure of how to reply, not wanting to go into that part of her life but she would have to soon, this man wants to marry her. So in order for her to do that both she and Fitz would have to have a sit down with her past. She would have to take some time off away from teaching Yoga and he would have to talk time away from his writing, this wasn't just something that could be fixed overnight. As much as she wanted to make excuses for not replying to his letter or to him when she got home… she knew she had to.

_As much as I hate talking about me and getting all personal, I know it needs to be done… so we'll discuss those issues and how to handle them next week when I return home. Yes, I know you've showed me you love me in every which way possible, I'm not blind to that. I know you love me and I love you equally if not more, but I know there are some things I need to come to terms with and that shall happen in due time. And No, none of those issues have to do with why I left lol I have clients who prefer private/couple classes you know this! Plus I think we need a little time away from one another… things did end badly but everything's fine. I'm sorry __ I love you, I love you, I love you and I'll be home before you know it._

_ p.s. I miss your mouth on nine… I might be home sooner than I thought._

_-your sweet baby, livvy_

Olivia knows Fitz loves her, but she just can't seem to grasp how much and/or if he's really that serious. With all the horrors from previous relationships she can't find it in her to open up completely.

Olivia sat in her mini office that's set aside from the studio contemplating cancelling her appointments for the week and going back home to Fitz.

"Miss Pope, your clients are here shall I have them wait or go on in to the studio?"

"You can have them go on in, I'll be in shortly." She replied to her assistant.

Any thought of going home vanished now, it was too late. She hits send on the email and sighs heavily hoping this yoga session will help clear her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Thinking back on the fight between Olivia and Fitz was making her tense. She wanted to introduce him to her parents but now just wasn't the time. She gathered herself, her mat, towel and water bottle and practically ran out the door to head towards the studio.

"Good morning everyone, today we're going to do some basic poses and stress relievers, we'll just use today as a restorative day. First off we're going to start with some breathing exercise to relax. We're going to inhale for e5 while reaching our hands up to the sky, standing as tall as we can. 2nd we're going to go right into a Forward Bend on the exhale, exhale for 5. 3rd we will rise half way from the Forward Bend with a flat back and inhale for 5. 4th we will dive all the way down into a deep Forward Bend, bend your knees if you need to, and exhale for 5. 5th on the inhale, we're going to come all the way up and reach for the sky. Last but not least, we bring our arms down on the exhale, keeping great posture, exhale for 5 and relax. This sequence will be repeated a couple of times. Okay, everybody got it, everyone ready? Alright."

After all of that, Olivia was hoping she would be able to clear her mind and not think about Fitz, but every inhale and exhale pushed him deeper into her thoughts and forward in her mind. This was going to be harder than she thought.

Back in her hotel room all she could think about was Fitz, she wish she could've had proper goodbye before they departed. She was considering calling him to tell him to fly out but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Room service!"

Answering the door she yelled "Oh, I didn't order room service." But as she opened the door and saw Fitz, she was happy but shocked, so shocked that she was frozen in the door.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"….Yeah, yeah, come in, I'm just shocked that you're here, I was about to call you. How did you find me?"

"There are only a number of hotels in the area, and the lady at the desk seemed new so I took advantage of that and told her I was looking for my girlfriend. Miss me much?"

"Too much, I was going to call you and see if you wanted to fly out here. I felt bad for the fight. I'm not mad at you, I completely understand you wanting to meet my parents but I'm just not ready, I don't feel like it's the right time. I know I said we're not that serious but we are and everything just came out wrong."

"It's fine babe, I understand. I don't want to pressure you into doing anything you're ready for; it's my fault for pushing after you've said so. We'll work on it." Fitz kissed her forehead. "In the meantime dinner awaits us, I have reservations."

As Olivia grabs her belongings off the coffee table next to the door Fitz puts a halt to her actions.

"First…promise you won't get mad, I need to tell you something."

"What?" Olivia responds, all sorts of confused.

"Promise."

"Fitzgerald. What?"

"Mellie's going to be our chauffeur because I didn't rent a car and she's the only person around here that I know.." Fitz spits without taking any breaths.

"Mel.. Mellie! Mellie as in your ex-wife Mellie?! Mellie as in that bitch that tried to fucking kill me not just twice, but at our friend's wedding MELLIE?!" Olivia was more than furious.

"Yes….but for the record… she didn't really mean to try to kill you…she was just a bit angry.."

"THAT BITCH THREW 3 FUCKING TORCHES AT ME AND CAUGHT. MY. DRESS. ON. FIRE. THAT'S NOT ANGRY, THAT'S JEALOUSY, THAT'S PHSYCO AT IT'S FINEST!"

"Okay, so maybe That wasn't such a good idea. You know what I'll call her and tell her to go on home and we can catch a cab.. can we just ..I. Let's start over. You shut the door, I knock, you be surprised and we go have a night together."

"NO! You may turn around and have _Mellie _ take you back to wherever you came from, I'm just about this close to bashing your head in, I don't know what makes you think I would sit in the same room with that jealous bitch from hell and not put my hands around her neck until she goes limp. Or, Fitzgerald, since you're feeling oh so romantic why don't you take _Mellie _to dinner!" Olivia squealed and slammed the door in his face, not forgetting to lock it.

Fitz stood at the door feeling like a complete idiot. He didn't know what to do or how in the world he was going to fix this one. He knew all the things Mellie's done and how Olivia felt about her. He could only imagine what would be going through his head if the situation was reversed. He banged his head on the door of room wondering why he didn't think this through completely… or at all.

Olivia gathered her things for a nice hot bubble bath and poured herself a glass a wine. She turned on her playlist, aiming for something calm; she played _Clair de Lune_, one of her favorites. As she sipped her wine, she soaked in the bath trying to relax. That's what she needed, to relax. Mellie wasn't worth getting her blood pressure all worked up and at this point in time she felt like neither was Fitz. Olivia ended her bath when she felt herself drifting, the wine hitting her in all the right places. As she readied for bed, she felt as if she was too harsh on Fitz and wanted to apologize for lashing out at that extent. She laid down her head and turns up her phone volume in case he calls.

10 shots, 2 beers and 5 margaritas later, Fitz finds himself leaning against her door.. He knocks several times and receives no answer. _Ten minutes pass. _ Fitz starts to drift off to sleep when all of sudden his head hits the floor and he's looking right up at Olivia.

"You know Fitz, I felt like I needed to apologize but you're drunk and not going to remember it so I won't. Oh and don't think you're sleeping in my bed, I get you a pillow and blanket." She states while dragging him inside. "I also debated whether or not to leave you in the hall but I kind of missed you… and I drank a little too much, so I thought what fun it would be to have a hangover with the company of another with a hangover. Plus the main reason I brought you in is because I can't have Mellie lurking around trying to find clues as to where I am so she can kill me! I hate you so much right now, first thing in the morning I want you gone!" Olivia ends her soliloquy by dropping his body to the floor with an exaggerated thud.


	3. Chapter 3

Fitz has only had two relationships in his life. He's not good at making the right decision sometimes but he's learning. He wasn't the type of guy who always had a girl on his arm but he wasn't the type to not have the girls attention either. His marriage with Mellie was his first relationship and she was much older than him, they also were married within the first two months of their relationship, and she took advantage of his young age and money. Now he's with Olivia he knows slow and steady is better, you have time to get to know each other and what makes each other tick. You have time to drink in each other love. You have time to see if this is really what you want, who you want, where you want to be for the rest of your life. Most importantly, you have time… together.

Lying next to her, Fitz waits impatiently for Olivia to wake. Knowing the level of his mess up, he's made her breakfast, scheduled a massage for her and bought her favorite T.V. show: One Tree Hill. He even went as far as to cancel her class for the day so she wouldn't try to run away from him trying to make it up to her or say sorry. He drew her in close to him and placed a small kiss on her forehead and she leaned her head upward but didn't wake. He smiles. He starts tracing small circles on her lower back. Her eyes started to flutter open a bit. He placed his hand on her butt and she sat up fully and slapped him.

"You don't get to do that, not after what you did. You need to go, I have a class to teach."

"..No you don't. I cancelled it. Wait; before you say anything, I'm sorry for last night and want to try to make it up to you, I didn't want you to run off to that class and avoid this… avoid me."

"You can't make it up, you're not that type of person, you don't know how to fix your mistakes!" she choked, almost taking it back, she didn't think about how harsh that sounded.

"I know. That's why I want you to give me a chance, let me try. I can't try to fix something if you don't let me try. "

Olivia remained silent trying not to keep eye contact. 75% of her wanted to let him stay, to fix things, but the other 25% wanted him back in the Midwest A.S.A.P. That 25% seemed a little stronger than the 75.

"I made you breakfast, I cooked it myself and—"

"..wait, _you _cooked.. by yourself?"

"Yes, I can cook a little you know give me some credit." They both chuckled.

"Let me finish. _I_ cooked you breakfast, I scheduled a massage for you-not one of those dinky sit down and I massage your back for 10 minute ones either, but an hour-deep tissue-full body massage. I also went out and bought… drum roll please… One Tree Hill seasons 1-4… that we'll be watching all day today, Saturday and Sunday."

Olivia was speechless.

"..Bu-but you hate One Tree Hill..."

"Yeah, but my girlfriend is absolutely in love with it."

"Aww… you know me too well. You thought if you bought me One Tree Hill and watched with me you'd be forgiven… well... you're half right, but not quite, I'm not sure you completely understand how much you hurt and angered me." She forced out with a mouth full of biscuits and gravy.

"I do and I'm so sorry, deeply, truly sorry. I need to use my head more often and for more than just a hat rack." He sighed grasping her hips trying, unsuccessfully, to pull her in for a quick gentle kiss. She brushed his hands away.

"No sir! I didn't say I forgave you yet. You don't get to my lips. They belong to Olivia Carolyn Pope for the remainder of this… making up thing."

"I can't even get a kiss on the cheek for trying?"

"…"

"The forehead?"

"…"

"Can we at least cuddle while we're watching this Tree Street… Hill?"

"I'll think about it… maybe we can go home on Sunday, I'm feeling a little home sick." she said trying not to smile.

Fitz smiled, "ThankYouThankYouThankYou! That's all I want, I can't think straight when you're not around."

"Well obviously." She laughed. "But don't get too excited, it all depends on your behavior from now until then Mr. Grant."

"Yes Ma'am Mrs. Grant."

Catching the name change, Olivia couldn't help but smile, she loved hearing him call her that.

"Well I'm finished, breakfast was great… surprisingly so… shall we get this marathon started like I don't know ... now?"

"Mmmm controlling… I like that in a woman... we shall!"


	4. Chapter 4

"_Mmmm controlling… I like that in a woman… we shall."_

Olivia woke up late for work, which didn't set in until she realized the whole One Tree Hill marathon with Fitz was a dream. She only had time to grab a quick shower and stop at Starbucks. Passing Fitz on her way into the kitchen, she kicked the side of his head a couple of times. He groggily sat up, taking in his surroundings.

"You have to go, you can't stay here..."

"Babe... I'm really-"

"Sorry?" she paused. "You are very sorry indeed Mr. Grant. I don't need your 'I'm sorry' for someone else."

"Just give me-"

"A chance to explain? Okay, go ahead."

Fitz remained silent.

"…Just as I thought. I think we need to take a break. I think it would do the both of us some good."

"I don't need a break, I need you. I need to fix this."

"Fitz… we can-"

"Still be friends? I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your friend and your man… your partner… your shoulder… the love of your life."

"Fitz… we need this… I … need this break." Olivia sighed trying not to be emotional.

"…Fine. If you need a break…then…we'll take a break. But, do you still love me?"

Fitz never once doubted Olivia's love for him, but he can see clear as day what he's done to her and how she's affected by it. Right now he's not sure if she's changed her mind. Olivia, not wanting to make eye contact, didn't answer. She didn't want to convey that she didn't love him, because she did… she does.

"I do… I always will… I always have." She uttered letting a single tear escape.

"Then let me prove how sorry I am, let me prove I'm the one you want to spend forever with. "

"Fitz. We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Olivia sighed slipping on her jacket and shoes.

"Please…Please ... be gone by the time I get back. Or I will have to call security to help you..." She pleaded, not making eye contact.

"…No problem… how long?"

"Two weeks… maybe three." She cringed as she said. She didn't realize how different it would feel to say than rather think it. She looked back at Fitz and could see the pain written on his face. Turning away and taking a deep breath she left and silently shut the door behind her.

Fitz knew she left but he couldn't find it in him to get up off the floor. He couldn't live without her. He didn't know how to live without her; he didn't know how to breathe without her. She's the oxygen to his brain. Finally he stood, looking himself in the mirror, he punched it. He watched the glass shatter into a thousand pieces and without bothering to clean it up he left the hotel.

"Hello what can I get you this morning?"

"Ummm… a Caramel Macchiato… Venti please."

"Alright, your total is $6.25. Please pull around to the next window."

Driving to the next window Olivia saw three other cars waiting, checking the time she knew she needed to call the studio and let them know she would be a little late.

"Hey, it's Olivia, I'm running late. Has the couple arrived yet? What do you mean they cancelled; this was only class for the day. They cancelled for the week?! Okay well I'll be using the studio for a couple of hours."

She couldn't just go back to the hotel, Fitz might still be there. Without having anymore clients, she didn't know what to do with herself or how she was going to go almost three weeks without thinking about how Fitz was, even though she was the one who wanted a break. She loves him, more than anyone she's ever loved, but she needed time to see if this is what she wanted for the rest of her life.

"Thank you, you can keep the change."

"Mom, I'm in town, would you mind if I came to visit for a few weeks? No, I was here for work. Is dad home or is he still overseas? Tell him I said I'll be over later to beat him in checkers! Okay, well I'm going to the studio for a while and I'll be over shortly after that. Okay, Love you too! Bye"

"Ms. Pope these flowers just arrived for you, there's two more dozen in your office."

"Thank You, do you know who brought them?"

"No ma'am."

"Okay, thank you."

As Olivia entered her office she looked at the name tag. It said nothing_._

She texted Fitz: _Fitz I know you want me to let you fix things but I really need this break and sending me things aren't going to change how I feel at this moment. _

He replied with: _I know, I already left and I didn't send you anything, what are you talking about._

Olivia, thinking he's lying texts him: _So you didn't send me three dozen red roses?"_

He replies: _No, I'm letting you have what you want; I have no idea what you're talking about._

Olivia, now completely confused doesn't know what to think or believe. Pushing that aside she grabs her yoga mat and iPod for a one hour meditation.

Olivia rings her mom's doorbell, and it's as if she was already at the door before Olivia walked up.

"My Oliv! Oh how I miss you so. You need to visit more often!"

"I know mom! I love you so much and I miss you equally as much." She stated as they both dry their happy tears, and went to sit in the living room.

"How are you mom? I haven't talked to you in a few weeks."

"Oh I'm doing the same old, same old, my tits are somewhat still perky, my butt isn't saggy, my teeth are straight and the good Lord keeps waking me up so I say I'm doing pretty good." she chuckles.

"Wow mom." Olivia laughs.

"How are you, my child?"

"I'm fine."

"Just fine? You still are seeing that Fitz boy right?"

"…Yes..."

"And how is he?"

"He's fine, taking a break from writing."

"Ohh well, you should've brought him along. I would love to finally meet him; after all it's been almost 2 years."

"Mom..."

"I know, I know, you don't want to talk about it. I guess you don't want to talk about Edison either."

"Mom!"

"Leave the girl alone women, she said _Mom."_

"Daddy!" Olivia screamed as she jumped into his arms.

"Hey Ollie, how's my luv bug?"

"I'm great!"

"Well, if you and your mom are done here, why don't you come with me to the golf course and we can catch up just before dinner?"

"Actually, I'm a bit tired; I would love to take a nap before dinner. If you don't mind."

"Not at all pumpkin, go ahead; catch you on the flip side."

"There he goes, trying to have uh, what is it you young people call it… _swag_. I swear you bring out the young boy in him Oliv."

"Yeah I guess I do." She laughed.

"Well, I'm going to go get started on dinner, don't sleep to long now."

"Okay, mom." Olivia replied as she disappeared to the guest room.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dinner was great last night mom. You don't have to come in here and check on me you know… I'm a grown woman I can handle myself."

Thanks honey, and yes I do, you are still my child. Why are you still in bed anyway, are you sick?"

"No… I just don't know what to do..."

"About what?"

"Fitz… We haven't been on the best of terms lately, mainly due to me, I think I've been overreacting. He showed up at my hotel the other day to take me to dinner and I was excited, I've been here working for a week. I missed him… And he didn't rent a car so he called Mellie, the one I told you about… the one that tried to kill me. Anyway he called her to drive us. I was so upset I slammed the door in his face and when he came knocking on my door drunk, I dragged him in and pretty much left him there on the floor. This morning I told him I think it would be best if we took a break but I don't _really_ want a break… I don't know what to do." She sobbed.

"Umm … Wow. Did he try to make it up to you?"

"I wouldn't let him, I know he's upset. When I went back to the hotel to get my things I saw the mirror was shattered and I don't mind paying for it, because I know he was upset."

"Well honey, I'm sure his intentions weren't to hurt you."

"I know. I know he realizes how he messed up. You know I think he wants to marry me. I don't know if I can be with him forever, I don't know if he wants to be with me forever. He used to tell me all the time, but he hasn't in a while. I know I'm a piece of work and isn't the best… I just don't know if it will work… if we will work."

"Baby, no one knows if it will work, you have to trust each other, have faith. I didn't know if it would work when I about to marry you father. Listen, once your father invited his most recent ex-girlfriend over for dinner, he didn't ask or tell me, she just showed up and he was still at work. He did it as re-payment for helping him study with an exam; yes it was that long ago. I. Was. Livid. I gave him hell, of course, but I knew and kept in mind that he wasn't perfect and he made up for it. I didn't forget, but I forgave him it was in the past he couldn't rewind and un-invite her. I learned to embrace all his exes after that because they made your father the man that he is today. All the other women before that were in Fitz life taught him a few things and changed him for sure. If I'm remembering correctly you told you he hasn't been romantically involved with many women, so keep that in mind. Liv… he's trying. The man is trying."

"I know he's trying." Olivia vocalized. "Was I wrong to ask for a break because I'm unsure… of myself…because I'm scared."

"Only you know what you need. If you feel like you need a break then take one, but no one's going to wait forever. I took plenty of breaks with your father, so many that he almost gave up and left. If Fitz is the man you tell me he is then he'll be right there but you have to welcome him with open arms, an opened mind, and an open heart. With that said, I'm not saying the whole ex ordeal is okay, because that's just…. horrible. I mean HOOOOORRRRRRIBLE. But I know you; you're closed off when it comes to men nowadays. If you open up, even the tiniest bit, and talk to him about things, it would make all the difference in the world."

"Thanks mom, I wish I had you back home so I can run over to your house when I got really scared or angry."

"You don't need me. You have Fitz. But I'm only a phone call or Skype call away baby." She replied yawning. "Now I'm going to go take my nap, your father and I are going to Abby's for a couple days. We didn't expect you to come to town, you should with us, when's the last time you saw your sister anyway? But if you stay the extra house keys are in the kitchen." She kissed Olivia's forehead before getting up to leave.

"Mom, thanks again, for everything."

"No problem my love."

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Hi"

"I know we're on a break, I didn't know if I could call or… maybe I should hang up."

"Fitz... it's fine."

"How are you?"

"I'm a lot better, you?"

"That's good to hear, I'm…here. I miss you, and I lied, I did send the flowers I just didn't want you to get mad for interrupting the break..."

"Oh….I…I miss you too." Olivia cursed herself knowing she was supposed to be mad at him.

"Livvy…. are you really going to make me spend my birthday alone? … It wouldn't be the same without you."

"No, I feel so bad, I miss you so much. I'm still mad at you, I just… I don't know maybe I overreacted."

"No baby, you didn't overreact. I messed up, I'm so so sorry, if you let met me make it up to you I promise I will do my best to not mess up this bad ever again."

"Fitzgerald, that's impossible." She laughed. "You can't be perfect. I forgive you, you know… but I won't forget."

"Nor do I want you too. So… does this mean you're coming home."

She knew he was smiling, smiling so hard she could practically hear his jaws stretching.

"No."

"No?"

"No. Instead, you can come to me… I'm at my parents. I know how important it is to you to meet them so… plus I'm quite certain my mom's more excited to meet you than you are her." She laughed uncontrollably.

"Baby, no I can't meet them, not now, I'm unprepared!"

"Unprepared?"

"Yes, I don't know their names, I don't know their ages, I don't know what they like to do, if they drink wine, if they like music or TV. I'm so unprepared!" Fitz articulated with every bit of nervousness and excitement.

"Well if you get here quick, you'll have plenty of time, they're going to my sister's for a couple of days and I can give you a rundown of my whole family."

"Wait… you have a sister? Man, it's as if I don't know you at all."

"I have a brother too."

"You are such a stranger right now."

"I know right, didn't your parents teach not to talk to strangers."

"Yeah, too bad I never listened; if I did I wouldn't have met you."

Olivia didn't know how to respond. She remained silent. They both remained silent.

"Well, I'll start packing and take an early flight in the morning."

"…and leave me in this house all by myself. My parents are leaving in a couple hours. I'm going to be scared. What if someone breaks in?"

"Fine! Fine. I'll pack now and get on the next flight! You are so dramatic."

"I get it from my mother." She smiled.

"Okay, see you late Ms. Pope."

~"Olivia don't forget to tell him you love him!" ~

"MOOOM! Go take your nap." She yelled. "She's just a eavesdropping." Olivia murmured under her breath.

"Okay, Mr. Grant. Don't take too long."

Olivia should have been on her way to pick up Fitz from the airport about 15 minutes ago, but she couldn't stop checking her outfit and hair. She changed a total of 6 times and did her hair in 7 different styles. If anyone didn't know any better they would think she was going on her first date. Finally in the car, she could feel the butterflies start to increase, almost to the point she became nauseous. When she walked into the airport she couldn't sit still until someone tapped her on the shoulder.


End file.
